Chronicles Of Chiney B

Look at you again, diving into your ungratefulness. The world is finally reading your story. Yet you sit here unamused by all that you have accomplished in this life. You released your first album “BrittanVille” and yet you haven’t said congratulations to yourself, but here you are wondering if anyone will even want you years from now. I wanted my own space so bad, but that was never part of my plan. Who am I to ask God in what way he will bless my life, all that matters is, the blessing is received, right? The beautiful man didn’t Waltz into my town like I thought he would with a beautiful number in hand. Instead, he danced across my TV screen, with butt bigger than I could imagine. And dance moves that I could never imitate. If that was my biggest fear, I didn’t hear about it, at least, but he certainly made some sensational videos. Whether he is complementing himself or complementing a woman either way it was Sensational. Some performers perform, and they’re not as memorable as othe...

 To get escape from my mind, I try you. I’m trapped in this place that’s so filled with thoughts, my mental closet.   I worry when the silence says send, I know I got to deal with my thoughts.  But they’re all about you. I’m so deep in love.  It’s locked in my mind deep in my vault,  but even it needs air.  Like I told you it was used to hiding in a closet I leave my doors open, so I sleep better at night.  don’t want no dark spaces.  I can’t sleep at night.  Running from all these dark spaces in my mind.

  In this life‘s journey, I bring forth my inquisition with my Latin Flar denoted somewhere in Cuba, that I’ve never been, while holding onto the Jamaican heritage of Latino towns. My Latin heritage speaks loud as in me when I’m around people and music with such flare, though I have only a basic understanding of the language I do pretty well. My trips to Mexico have taught me there’s nothing more valuable than conversation, whether in English, Spanish Vietnamese, Japanese or Igbo.     My son calls himself bilingual because he knows Vietnamese, he sings songs, and other dialects and languages without knowing their meaning. For him they’re just melodies just another song, but for me, they’re more than that I feel bad now that I told him him learning, one song does not grant him access to fluency of a language. It takes far more than knowing one song to call yourself multilingual.  My Jamaican food comes to me by way of African hands. The essence of the flavors bring jo...

They seem to find their way through my mind into my ears, out through my heart, and trickles through my finger on these pages for you just to be able to read and tell your friends about my life who am, yet to sit here and pretend like my life and my existence has not been great in it’s very essence, since my arrival in this country. It’s taught me valuable lessons like how to not give a fuck, about other people and their problems while being the center of attention for all the people coming in with problems. Happy medium found somewhere there in between all this heartache and stress, the kitchen doesn’t quite have the ingredients that I want. It’s cluttered with the memories of the people from the past. I am just a new addition to a household that has already been built. I feel like an outcast. I worry that i’ll be the point of someone’s aggression someday and they’ll carry those aggressions out onto my face. The fear of being ugly is very real for me. It’s not like while I was beautif...

  Dear Reader, I owe you an apology. If I don’t survive past this year, I’m sorry for getting you so attracted to me and I’ll disappoint you.    I’ve been under an extreme amount of stress, trying to get custody of my son back while being shoved pills down my throat, as if that is supposed to solve the external circumstances of my life. I feel small bubbles bursting in my head things that I’m too afraid of to tell my doctor. I’m fighting with everyone to get my money back that has been stolen. From fake bitcoin, investors claiming to provide me double the return on my investment. At this point, we’re all being taken for granted by jumping jack taxes, or maybe he’s just a victim as well. I don’t know what more to do to solve the problems that my life has now been drowned in. I just wanted to be an actress, so I can one day make movies and see myself on the big screen in a way that is flattering to me than what I experienced in the mirror. I’m sorry for making you fall in l...

  Homeless lessons It is a circumstance, not a state of mind, just because you were in the circumstance doesn’t mean you have to look of the circumstance. God helps those who help themselves, homelessness is not something that only happens to poor people. The only difference between you and the luxuries that you have is your job. Without our jobs would probably all be homeless. Having a job does not always grant you absolute security. People who hate you will try to find the smallest reasons to discredit your hard work, so that they can shine brighter. Miscommunication happens all the time. Unfortunately, you can only solve your problems one step at a time. Nothing happens in bulks. Breaking stuff down from top to bottom is the best way to assess a situation. Sometimes bad things happen, so that better things can come forth. Don’t blame yourself for problems or circumstances that other people have put you in. God is always watching. Being humble is more than just a state of mind, i...

I am rendered helpless, a place I never thought I’d be from employee to client in just one relationship. Who you are before you get married is not the same person that will end up on the other side. Choosing to get married is the most important decision you’ll ever make in your entire life, who that person makes you is another story. I find myself crawling to this small bottle of hydroxyzine, hoping that it helps render, the discomfort I feel inside of my heart, maybe I’m creating my own problems here but at least there’s a temporary fix. I seem to have forgotten which way is up and which way is down because while I’m in this place, I never thought I’d be. I’m trying to find comfort. Comfort in free housing, comfort in self. I am humbled by the experience hard to believe that I could be this destitute in a place like America in a place like Boston, waiting for Help to come from somewhere on the outside, because I am unable to help me internally. I find myself desperately reaching out t...