Parent Guilt on American Son

Is mother’s guilt eternal, does mother’s guilt ever end

It creeps up on you in the dead of night while the world sleeps. I happens in the middle if dinner when they’re eating and make the slightest of faces is it not good enough? I find myself asking when he just simply hates peas.

Mothers guilt is unforgiving when you’re the only one that pulls up t your son soccer practice without a jacket and its 55 degree out. Watching silently while all the other moms holding their child’s jacket as if your guilt wasn’t screaming loud enough.

You lay asleep at night wondering what your in laws think of you newbie mothering skills as you correct bad habits they’ve clearly created by allowing him to do as he pleases.

Newly broken in you have to be the one to make him cry, as you readjust what is his normal from what you don’t want to see. Bad habits such as watching the TV too closely. Not wanting to wear his jacket, using a Binky at age 3, and going to sleep by 830pm. Theirs guilt that comes from talking too proudly about being a married mom and not a single mother, almost as if you’ve stepped on someone knight and shining white knight when your husband was more like the door keeper trying to let the reigns down for the knights to make it through the gate because none of them were smart enough to make it out the gate.

Mother’s guilt comes when it’s your child’s 1^st day in kindergarten and you’re the first to leave your child because you know he’s cried enough and if you stay a second longer you’ll end up taking him home. I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Mother’s guilt is getting the stink eye from his teacher while she silently scolds, you for missing one parent teacher night. There will be plenty more of those, I try to tell myself. Trying steadfast too look away so everyone doesn’t know I’m the one she’s scolding. I can only say that it’s only been a year since he’s been in school and I know it will only get more complicated as we move forward.

Here’s to 2.9 and beyond.

After watching American Son Kerri Washington did a great job, but I couldn’t help but blame the mother for not knowing better while evaluating a lot of the race related points being discussed at the same time and point. Its was a very real story line and the story of many children living in america the mixed children have become the "Face of the Race"

Some important parts being well what were they arguing about prior to her son leaving the house?

How did he leave the house without her knowing? Do most teenagers just walk out the house without their moms consent? Or was my mom just really strict with me, because I couldn’t so much as have friends over without clearing it with her.

There was also a part of the movie where she was asked to reapply makeup and I thought that was very typical where you’re expected to still look beautiful while you were stressing about your missing son? The things we think about when everything is going wrong.

Was it her fault that this happened because she allowed him to paste that “shoot cops” bumper sticker is it reasonable to expect figures of authority to treat you with bias due to your rights to express yourself?

Who is truly at fault here?

Do we blame the mom for allowing her son to go out on the road with this particular sticker on the car and say she should have taught him survival skills?

Do we blame the cops for pulling over a suspected car because it was filled with African American?

 Is this something white people fear?

While my child is of mixed race I find myself in fear that he will be subjected to a lot of these things because I raise him to be compliant. Do I not teach my child how to stand up for himself?

What does standing up for yourself look like?

Do I teach him to fear the while man like so many of us have been taught to do especially when they are in “official looking” gear?

What exactly is the right way?

Do we ever get better at accepting criticism as we get older?

Am I alone on this?

Any other moms have this same experience, please feel free to email me at Chiney.be@gmail.com 

Any topic ideas you think I should share my thoughts on please let me know.