Model Citizen (British Accent)

The pain of being a daughter is quite an interesting one. We all seek mothers love, when will it ever be enough. I wake up to her yelling at me to do more, I can’t do more from a place where I’m hardly allowed to move, or maybe it’s my cramps that keep me in this bed. Television is training me to sleep. I can’t even watch 2 hours without my mouth falling open and my eyes closing. Or maybe it’s my child thinking I’m too old, or maybe he just Figures if I don’t want to take care of him I should no longer exist, sleep. No not you, wake up- keep reading. My first girl carry was Aushika she was peters daughter. She had a hole in her knee which made her believe she was defective there’s no telling what that hole would have caused, we argued about it, mommy I’m damaged she’d say. I don’t believe anyone is damaged goods but like a guy online stated who goes around advertising themselves as damaged goods. Things often times do not come into fruition if their not meant to come into fruition often times I trust my body to do what it must to allow what must happen. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have fear, we all have fear. The existence for females is very different from the existence for males. Being alive is an interesting feeling we buy all these things to help add value to our lives sometimes these things give us meaning, sometimes they subtract from us but it’s always a plus, wouldn’t you say. For example if you start out wearing a Gucci belt because that’s all you know. High end designer you don’t learn to appreciate smaller designers like a Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfigure belt because your assigning value by the cost or price of the item. However they’ve been around for years! You never diss an original. But I guess some people wouldn’t know that. Someone walking by you like my sister in law on the other hand might walk by you and call you Cheap. But what if that belt was given to you by your first love. You wouldn’t think it was so cheap because it was a gift from someone that meant a lot to you, and what if they’re not into designer but he bought it with the thought of knowing you needed a new belt. It hold intrinsic value does it not? Therefore giving it far more value to you than any Gucci belt but I’d still bother him for a Gucci belt unless he’s not here anymore, or in a less fortunate position than me then I guess I’d just have to settle, or get it myself which I often do. Now my Gucci belt sits in a rather uncomfortable place because of the person who got it for me. Still valuable non the less. Just painful in its being. I’d rather have back all seasons of my Kut from the Kloth jeans that were stolen from me. Robbed by the rich and forced to be poor again, such catastrophe has stricken my life in such a way even the queen would fall flat on her comfy mattress of course. Royalty never hits the floor. Anyways I’d like to believe my life will get better post this experience but for some reason I lack a team of competent individuals to help me see through the success of my organization. Instead I’m surrounded by a team of bumbling idiots who don’t seem to know the difference between a business and an organization….. and if your one of them I pray for you. Surely I should move to NY where things move a lot faster but certainly I’d prefer Manhattan I just know my skin color may not fear so well. However I’m Jamaican and we’re different. Quite jaded as the world has been teaching me to give less and less fucks about other peoples faiths so here I lay in this hospital bed waiting for some over educated possibly American born doctors to decide my faith while I scroll through the gram hoping to find something that can give me motivation to write. I’m forced to come face to face with greatnesses and her name is Tyra, the epitome of brown perfection I quite love fashion but I’m no match for you, your skin flawless, your hair blond. Your eyes, dangerous yet captivating. However I don’t fear you. I’d be curious what it would be like to work for you. As an assistant. Or maybe I should work for Naomi Campbell instead I fear my talents are extremely under-managed and my job clearly doesn’t appreciate hard work of course there are some legal issues that I am battling. Slight assist or should I just surrender to the American system of “Black must fail” how exhausting.

I pray this article will make it to all the right places, my goal of this article is to create exposure for my brand “DiaMud” yes I’m aware while atrocious it is me, a diamond that simply needs cleansing. All people value these days are jewelry and name brand cloths while I’m fighting for a right to prove I’m completely normal just going through some serious struggle at the cost of my ridiculously idiotic Asiatic Husband. Who happens to be part Mexican. Either way my child must have a chance at modeling. I started his modeling career @princedarien_ which I know he doesn’t intend to follow up on. I had already intended on working out my 30’s through photos. I just don’t want to get too lost in it I quite prefer natural lighting. Anyway you’d be surprised to know I hid my British accent, but I can’t help it in my writing. Anyways cherio another noodle of thought from the less than desirable Blindian Girl, or should I say Marindian. Either way I’m sure I’m fucked but hopefully in a good way.

You think Alexa Ching would sponsor me some skirts so I can finally show my legs, I know I’m a little late but been quite insecure my entire life. Less than 30 leg shows in 30 years. Time to come out of my shell a bit, don’t you think.