Never have I Ever

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Never have I ever loved another so

Your music I find myself lost in my mind awaiting the day I’ll be good enough to be your Muse

Grown physically, but not yet a man

It’s a man I seek

One who allows me to fall comfortably into his Bosom

Independent woman I’ve been for far too much of my existence on this earth 

“Gold Digger” they scream

Of what sorts, I question a Queen can’t even ask her king for support

Blasphemy, has this world gone Madd

Normal people labeled as Bipolar to suit their abusers

This world is out of sorts, who will help to return order

Women are working to support men

Wages unequal, when will equality ever be more than just a word?

Is it an Apartment you seek Or is it love

Money, sex, love

Unfortunately for me, there’s been no drugs

I never know when I’ll fall victim to someone else’s lies and end up back in the system

A waiting game I play again for the 15th time in 4 years

It’s an apartment I seek, one from this pain I endure, in this treacherous Cave I once called home

Father Bear is gone, his protection I adore

Alone

My thought fuel me enough I guess

My words like liquid gold for the GODs I sip

How much of me should I let you hold

My fat I mold

And bring front and center

With all my negative thoughts

This body just lacks one thing

A good lipo I seek, to suck all the years of self hatred from my body, my joints ache

A telling of the times.

My diet vegetarian/pescatarian born by the waters edge

except when I’m in here

I’m filled with porks and meats I’d rather not digest 

My freedom I miss

When I’m locked in a room

As soon as I’m released and I loose all the fat the torture they return me too, summer after summer my plea remains the same

An apartment please

Sectioning me, they call it to keep me uncomfortable 

By now we know who they are as the camera adjust

Their justifications unwise 

Who am I but a victim in this world where men make all the decisions

A round table filled with women who look nothing like me

A position I seek to be more powerful, but who’s to listen to a girl they’ve painted as “crazy” 

Do my colors fit?

My children in heaven and some Gods choices I try not to question

My one boy traumatized, an Apartment Please

Little crystal gems

Not yet able to come into existence

Death I see no cause for, but it’s present 

Nonetheless 

Covid has found its way back to my life again.

The money is all they seek

Is it why you’ve come back

In hopes to sue me for what you think I may be keeping in secret as well

Everyone is after somebody else’s something 

While there everything waits patiently for someone to love them this much

Well I think I’ve said enough



Ps. I love you



                                                             -ChineyB 

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