Faith

I’d be lying if I told you that I was the strongest believer of all my friends, however, I do believe that if he takes you to it, he’ll take you through it. When this all started, I didn’t know what direction my life was headed in all I knew is I had lost my job the only source of income I had known for the last eight years , I didn’t know what I was going to do how I was going to pay for my house or how I was going to be able to buy my child things that he might need growing up, I never wanted to ask my mom for help. I’m not that way, upon humbled grounds I became that way. The only life or existence I had known before that was just giving my Mom money. Now she had to return the favor. Her faith in God has become more powerful than I can imagine. My faith in God has been broken, weakened by my experiences, but yet I still have life, so I am thankful. I am desperately trying to put the pieces of my life back together so that I can stand on solid footing, however, my faith has been broken and I’m trying to strengthen my bonds with God. I had never doubted him, growing up in my life had been a bed of roses, I had been working since the age of 14 supporting my entire family, suddenly I’m not able to do that anymore. I don’t know this feeling it’s unfamiliar to me being on the other end a recipient of Help. I had worked so hard to finish school to get a bachelors degree so that I could have a job. It’s been two years of searching for employment and not landing anything not even an interview, I don’t know what God has planned for me but I’m hoping it is better than where I am now. The break feels good. I can’t complain two years to relax and watch my child grow watch night turn today vice a verse a feeling I know I’ll never have the opportunity to experience again, I’m a single woman again left to experienced the world by myself until I find a partner, there are many willing participants, wanting to fill my loins with babies, but none that I find attractive. I don’t know where my life is going to go from here, but I am hopeful that it is somewhere better than where I am now. After years of going through the system, I finally have a voucher for my Housing one less thing to worry about stability is the most important thing anyone can have. A place to call home is far more important than that I find myself filled with jealousy towards those who are doing better than me, I suddenly wonder if that’s what it felt like watching me, be so successful for other people, funny, how things work ain’t it? 

Life is about ups and downs. I’m trying not to weigh myself down too much with my negative circumstances. Ever so thankful for this journey, because without the experience, I would not have shaped my character, or have a story to tell. I want to spend more time in the Bible, but I don’t know where to start. Genesis would be a great introduction. I’m sure.

People I once called friends now like distance, strangers, why they separated for me I am unsure, curiosity, fills me, however, I’m sure when the time is right they’ll make their way back into my life. Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs. they are more of a spillage of my emotions in the form of black-and-white , I hope I don’t bore you with details of my life. I hope I encourage you to work harder on things that you love most, thinking back on my life experiences I’ve lived a good life, so I guess this break is much deserved.