Things fall Apart

I was feeling pretty invincible for the most part of my life, I had started working at age 14 taking care of the family I felt responsible, strong, brave, proud I had been maneuvering myself from job to job stressfully, when I finally got the job at DTA. This was my forever job. I had no intentions of leaving only stepping up within the ranks It took much work, but it was well worth it. I had been there eight years before they hired a new Director. I had seen a few of them come and go but none like this one she harassed me to know end, She was always concerned about where I am, where I was going. Who I was going with.  What time I’ll be back most of the time I spent in my office missing lunch and taking clients. The last conversation I had with the Director that had been there since I started she told me she was preparing me to be promoted. She said based on what I’ve done she thought it was time for me to be stepped up, I started having problems at home with my husband shortly after buying our house, I desperately want to move on from this phase in my life however, it plagues me the most. The problems interfered with my ability to work I started getting hospitalized my medical condition worsened, I know I should be grateful that I still have life but what quality of life do I have now that I can’t find work. I thought my job would be more lenient on me. Seeing that I had a disability, instead, they fired me for requesting information regarding disability, and recording my manager, who is telling me that I had no such rights. Dept cited with her and before I knew it, I was out of a job. How do I confess to your new employer that you have a history of mental illness does not exactly put you at the top pile for employment. It’s been three years since I’ve worked one year since I last received any type of benefits from the government, I have been waiting patiently for Social Security to get approved so that I can finally buy clothing for me and my child and not have to rely so heavily on my mom. Our relationship suffered when she told me that I should give up my child. My baby asked me if I’m going to surrender him to the way I surrendered my dog, tears filled my eyes. I feel like I had failed him. I brought him into this world with Lil to no expectations on what to do other than to be a good mom I didn’t expect my life to come falling down. What I have to offer him is far less than what I had planned for him, I am trying to support him in his journey as he is destined to become a YouTuber PhiLong 4720! ( please follow) I wish I had stayed in volleyball. There might’ve been a career for me there, but I didn’t pursue it. Now I just play volleyball on Sundays at the beach for fun. I couldn’t find stable footing. I lost my house having to move back home was the most embarrassing part of it all, have an extreme friction with my mom sent me to the hospital a few more times placing our relationship into a strange place, I blamed her for all my problems her lack of support of me, my entire life, using me as if I was just a paycheck. A source of income finally, we have a mother daughter relationship that is not based on money, I feel good about that. While I wait for Social Security, I survive off of only telephone income. I have never known the feeling of being a burden to my family. I’ve always been very self-sufficient now as I go through this stage in my life I wonder what’s next for me. It all came crashing down.