The Stand

 The Stand

So I finally did it. I had a one nightstand I’ve always heard about them in movies. My greatest fear was getting pregnant from a one night stand and having to reach out to the guy after not planning to ever see them again, just to tell him that I’m pregnant with his baby. Don’t judge me it took 33 years before I had my first one night stand it was mid November emotions were high, when I met this guy on the train platform , he offered to take me out to dinner. I probably should’ve just left it at dinner, but we had a great time. Great conversation he came with great energy not only that he was well-connected and knew a lot of people. He introduced me to people that I thought would stay around for a little bit however, it doesn’t appear that that’s gonna happen, instead I earned a new business connection. Now he won’t respond to my messages. Slightly perturbed, but to be expected I’ve sent him a message regarding my bra which I inconveniently left at his house by accident. Tell Victoria secrets to sponsor us, with all the drama that I have going on in my life. The last thing I need to do is look like an irresponsible mom. However, mistakes happen. I don’t feel like I should be penalized for them for the rest of my life. I don’t know what life I’d be able to offer a child right now but I hope this pregnancy test turns out to be negative. I had always wanted to try it one nightstand, but I had put my standards way too high and thought that maybe I was above a one night stand, maybe the guy wouldn’t respect me if I gave it up too easy, maybe he would look at me as a slut if I gave it up too easy. But this particular night my guards were down I was lonely and single, and it was right before Christmas. FYI, this is not typical. Brittania behavior I took the chance I don’t regret it. It was a magical experience. We both gave ourselves to each other like we had never had sex before. My period didn’t come that month November was a blur December another sad Christmas still no period and it’s December I saw my period though my nurse tells me that might’ve just been spotting and there’s a strong chance that I might be pregnant Today I decided to take the walk to the local pharmacy to get the long awaited and dreaded pregnancy test. Thank you Walgreens Pharmacy for sponsoring pregnancy test so women like me who make such decisions can face their destiny. I love my son, but I haven’t gotten a chance to be more than just a weekend mom to him since the court granted my x husband full custody. he has been very generous and allowing me to see the baby every weekend. I am thankful for the two out of seven days that I get to see my beautiful sons face. I wish my circumstances were better so that I could provide him a household that would be happy, and filled with laughter. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but we have to just hope that it goes better than expected. As I wait for Social Security to approve me I wonder what kind of life I can offer a child on $20,000 a year. I’ve never had to live beer minimum before but my last relationship flattened me completely left me. Homeless, broken and sad. I am not yet prepared to go back out into the work and field but the contemplation over what it might be like to have another baby slightly excites me because at least this is my second chance to be your mom the mom that I want to be not a weekend mom. I’ll let you guys know in my next post the results of the pregnancy test.